Kids’ transition back to school typically claims the focus this time of year — but what about the accompanying spike in parental stress?
Bombarded with school emails, back-to-school meetings and responsibilities, children’s needs and emotions, fall activities starting, complex schedule maneuvers, costs of registration and supplies, and guilt when something falls through the cracks, it’s no wonder that the majority of parents in a Life360 survey rated this as the most stressful time of year.
The communication alone adds a significant burden: The average parent gets about four emails each day related to their children, school and extracurriculars, according to a survey Yahoo conducted with Censuswide. (More children probably equals more emails.) Fifty-six percent of parents said it’s too much.
These insidious parental burdens can drive irritability, trouble sleeping, conflict, distraction, physical aches, fatigue, anxiety or depression, emotional exhaustion, and burnout. As if that weren’t enough, sometimes our kids pick up on our stress and mirror it back to us (some neurodivergent children, in particular).
We are NOT here to add yet one more thing you should be doing. Rather, we want to give you PERMISSION to pay attention to your stress levels this time of year and address them.
You matter.
We like to say, “When we embrace the entire family with care, we tend to the thriving roots of well-being.”
Some elevated stress during the back-to-school season makes sense — but not to the level of exhaustion. Here are a few ideas about how to take care of yourself, and in doing so, tend to your entire family. Choose those that work best for you:
Remember: You’re not alone. As many as 5 million U.S. parents experience burnout every year — and many more struggle with back-to-school stress. Indeed, mental health professionals report a jump in requests for parental and/or child therapy this time of year. In the Life360 survey, parents estimated they spent 17 hours a week coordinating family schedules and activities, and 68 percent of parents reported feeling burdened by the number of tasks they needed to complete in a day. Parents of neurodivergent children often already face elevated stress. Shame and isolation make it worse. Talk about it with nonjudgmental friends, and if you’re not struggling now, be that nonjudgmental friend for someone who is.
(In 2024, the U.S. Surgeon General released an advisory, Parents Under Pressure, about rising parental stress and the mental health and well-being of parents. It’s worth a look.)
Play hooky. Every back-to-school or fall activity meeting can feel crucial, but if you’re feeling overwhelmed, give yourself permission to skip it. If you’re concerned about what you missed, ask a friend who attended or reach out to the teacher/coach with a simple email introducing yourself and requesting the highlights. Even missing the occasional activity practice can be refreshing for you and your child.
Look for little tweaks. While big changes may not be possible, little ones usually are — and they can be simple to implement yet make a significant difference collectively. Take a minute to think through the little annoyances that make your chest tighten. Perhaps it’s a certain chore or a specific meal or that one evening activity that’s never convenient. Then consider your people: You may be able to ask your partner or child to help with one of the responsibilities you’re struggling with, use a tech tool — or perhaps you can hire a high school student for an hour after school, find a carpool, trade off help with a neighbor or friend who needs aid in a different area, or opt out of that inconvenient activity. Friends may have ideas, too.
Examine your expectations. Sometimes, stress comes from internal pressures that we put on ourselves, often without realizing it. (“I should …”) As humans, we have limits — and that’s OK. Prioritize, consider your circumstances and capacity, then recalibrate your expectations accordingly. Holding ourselves up against unrealistic standards only drives additional guilt and shame.
Carve out a break. Sometimes, as rewarding as it is, parenting can seem like a job with no vacation days. Even tiny, predictable breaks can really help — maybe you hide in the bathroom for a few minutes to do Wordle in the morning, sit quietly and drink coffee for 10 minutes after school dropoff, or let your child watch one show after you get home from work so you can relax for a bit before shifting into parenting mode. If possible, perhaps engage a babysitter for the first Friday of every month or alternate regular play dates with a friend of your child. (If you have multiple kids, see if you can schedule them simultaneously!)
Consciously look for a reason for gratitude every day. Some days, they may be really small. That hug, that flicker of personal growth (in your child or in you), the solid ground beneath your feet, a favorite food, the changing leaves. Gratitude sparks the brain’s reward system and enhances connection (among multiple other benefits), especially when practiced daily. Seek mental health and/or parenting help. Some situations and parenting challenges surpass our training, abilities, or experiences, and all members of the family can benefit from assistance. Experts can guide both parents and children, and a coordinated approach yields lasting improvement and lower stress. We can help! Pariva offers personalized, whole-family care from a team of specialists; accepts most insurance, even without a formal diagnosis; serves clients in a convenient virtual format that eliminates travel time and difficulties; and doesn’t do waiting lists. Getting started is easy — if you need help, don’t wait!
Pariva Health has helped over 25,000 families and counting — find out more about the special ways in which we empower families of neurodivergent children, offering hope and help, with lots of play and no wait list.