Why do the holidays throw my child for a loop?
The bustle of December can throw off all our rhythms — eating, sleeping, daily activities, even something as basic as location.
Some kids sail through it with few problems (or even enjoy it). But others fall into anxiety, irritability or meltdowns, which can be tough for the entire family.
We’ve got suggestions that can help. But keep this point in mind: Routine is not about rigidity. It’s about predictability, safety and nervous system regulation.
The comfort of the expected
A large body of cross-discipline research shows that predictable patterns (i.e. not having to figure out what’s next and what that will require) reduce daily stress on the brain.
This particularly applies to children who have different ways of processing sensory or emotional information. Those whose nervous systems tend to get easily overwhelmed gain a sense of grounding from routines.
For these children, known and expected steps mean comfort, calm and control — and help them confidently handle occasional unexpected moments.
Not surprisingly, when most of these touchpoints disappear, a child may struggle.
How to help
Helping your child cope — against the backdrop of whatever other family expectations you’re managing — can sound overwhelming.
It doesn’t have to be.
Even baby steps can make a marked difference (you may have to do a small bit of planning ahead if you’re traveling):
- Read a favorite book or sing the same song before bed.
- Light a candle after dinner.
- Keep a quiet morning ritual, perhaps sitting together while eating a familiar breakfast item.
- If you’re traveling, stock up on favorite simple foods so you have options if meals happen at different times.
- Commit to a regular break after lunch (spend one-on-one time, take a walk with just your family, snuggle while watching a favorite show).
- Offer choices. This can particularly help if a routine gets disrupted, re-establishing a sense of control and comfort. Involve your child in small choices, such as between two pairs of pajamas or what to do first after waking up.
This list is just a starting point — hopefully it sparks ideas that apply more specifically to your family. You’ve got this!
Pariva Health has helped more than 25,000 families of neurodivergent children and counting — find out more about the ways in which we empower families, offering hope and help, with lots of play and no wait list.